I have been with my husband for 17 years and married for 12. Junior was a mechanical engineer and my personal walking calculator. He was active and energetic playing basketball several times per week and always helping his dad with the house, in the yard, or starting a new house project. We have a wonderful little girl that is smart, funny, dynamic, and full of energy. She is the best thing I have ever done.
My husband was the primary income earner. I am a new massage therapist and I don't earn very much at this point. The little income I bring in puts gas in the car, buys groceries, and helps to provide for our daughter. We have a house and all the bills and responsibilities that come with property. We have worked very hard to build this tenuous middle-class lifestyle.
In September, Junior called me saying he doesn't feel right and he needs to go to the hospital. He described what was later identified as right/left sided disorientation. He was driven to the local emergency room and underwent some standard blood, cardiac, and neurological evaluations. Junior was admitted to this small rural hospital and over the following 48 hours his mobility became slow and plodding, he fatigued easily, and became slightly lethargic.
Our daughter was staying with my parents and I chose to stay with Junior in the hospital. On the second night I finally laid down to sleep in the bed next to my husband and when I opened my eyes to check on him, he sat up and looked at me. His eyes were round and dazed. I could see the confusion and fear as his called out to me. His body began to shake and he pitched forward as though he was trying to get out of the bed. I pushed him back so he wouldn't fall out of the bed and called the nurse. Junior was suffering a seizure. He was admitted to the ICU and had a CAT scan. I was so scared. I watched my husband look around the room with unseeing eyes, sleeping to escape his own anxiety.
I was sitting on the bed numbly recounting his symptoms to the nurses and doctor as they worked in a flurry around Junior. They seemed unsure of what to do next and why a stable patient admitted for tests would now need emergency care. The neurologist and neuro-psychologist were friendly and hopeful but unable to determine the cause of this seizure. The doctors determined they had exhausted their resources and transferred Junior to UMass ICU.
We were treated well and a team of specialists and nurses attended to Junior day and night. A person from the medical team would come in hourly and ask Junior to perform neurological tests to ascertain what damage had been done to Junior's brain. He performed these tests with some difficulty but seemed to have little physical dysfunction. The most recent CT scan showed he had a tear in the artery that provided blood to his brain. The doctors said the right/left disorientation was likely the effects of a stroke and the seizure was a result of the stroke.
On Junior's second day at UMass he suffered another seizure. Unlike the first episode, this seizure caused significant damage and another CT scan was ordered. The results of the test showed that he had another clot in the same artery. However, this clot was in the "stump" of the artery and Junior needed emergency surgery to remove the clot or he would die.
I could never have imagined that my young husband could possibly die. How would I care for my daughter? How could I manage my life without my partner and friend? I was a stupid mess.
